When I was expecting my first baby, I didn't have a clue about birth. I didn't understand anything about the birth process, contractions, how to work with the body during labour. All I thought I knew was that your waters break, you get very painful uterus contractions and a baby comes out of your vagina. I really wanted a drug free, vaginal birth and I hadn't had any complications during pregnancy and I wasn't considered high risk. Therefore, I didn't see any reason why I wouldn't get the birth that I'd wanted. A caesarean section was far from my mind! My Mum had always told me how amazing her natural birth was with me and so I had never feared a natural, vaginal birth. I'd always been told how empowering and fantastic they were and so I couldn't wait to experience birth for myself.
I'd heard about antenatal courses and I was recommended a popular group course by a friend. My partner and I signed up and really enjoyed our weekly classes. We learnt about vaginal births, which hospitals local to Leeds were best, what life might be like once our baby is here and how our life will change forever. The birth partners were told how to time contractions and when to go to the hospital. We got to meet other parents to be, who were due at around the same time as us. We exchanged phone numbers, had a Whatsapp group going and we loved sharing all of our pregnancy and birth stories, our aches, pains and worries. I remember my partner asking the course leader what if the birth doesn't go to plan. What other options would we have and what if we didn't have a vaginal birth. He was told not to worry about that and to focus on the positives!!
When our big day arrived and we were soon to meet our new baby daughter, we arrived at the hospital thinking that my waters might have gone. Click here to read my birth story of Emily. After an examination, I was told that my waters hadn't gone. As I was already overdue, the midwife then asked if I'd like a stretch and sweep. A lot of my antenatal group had already had their babies, and I was starting to feel a bit left out - (crazy- I know!) and my community midwife had mentioned at my last appointment that I'd be getting booked for induction soon too, if I'd not started my labour. Therefore, I agreed to the stretch and sweep. The midwife did the stretch and sweep and as she did, she said that actually she thought that my waters had gone. She could feel hair on the baby's head and because she had now intervened and my waters had broken, I would now need to be induced. She explained that we had 24 hours to get labour started. I suddenly started to panic, I didn't want an induction and I hadn't really done much research into what it entailed and the risks etc. I kind of understood the process and I knew bits about induction, from stories I'd heard and I really didn't want to be put on a drip. I'd heard about how contractions can be much more painful when you have an induced labour and most women will need stronger pain relief, such as an epidural. I really didn't want an epidural. The idea of a large needle going into my back, being out of control and numb from the waste down, terrified me. I had also heard stories about the risks of epidurals and how it's so important to remain still, as the needle is inserted.
They Expected Labour to be Painful
As I laid in the Maternity Assessment Centre, worrying about how my birth might turn out and how my ideal birth was about to go out the window, my blood pressure shot up. My blood pressure got so high that a Dr had to come and prescribe me a drug to get my blood pressure down quickly. It's hardly surprising that my blood pressure was so high, given the news that I'd just had. The midwife had a chat with the Dr and they decided that the best thing for me was to get me started on the drip. I felt like I didn't have a choice, I felt like the medical professionals knew best and I had to just go along with what was suggested to me. Adrenaline soon kicked in and I could feel my body shaking. A number of hours went by on the drip and my contractions weren't getting painful. The drip got turned up higher and higher over time and still nothing was really happening. I could hear a lady in the next room screaming during her labour and it terrified me. As I laid there waiting for my contractions to become painful, I thought about how that would be me soon, screaming in pain. I kept getting told by a midwife that contractions are much more painful when you are induced, so you will probably need an epidural. This did not make me feel any better, because I really did not want an epidural and it in fact terrified me.
More time went by with nothing happening and my midwife decided to get another midwife to examine me, to see what was going on. She kept asking me if I was in any pain yet, which I wasn't. It was as though she expected my labour to be painful. I have since learnt, that birth does not have to be painful!
As I was being examined, by a different midwife, she said "I don't think that this is a head, I think that this is a bottom!" A portable scanner was brought into the room and I was scanned to check which position my daughter was laid in. It was then confirmed that my baby was undiagnosed breach. The Dr said to me that I will now need to have an emergency c-section. At this news, I burst into tears. My natural birth was well and truly out the window. I was absolutely terrified of clinical environments, I was terrified of getting an epidural or spinal block. I hadn't researched into c-sections, because.... well I was having a natural birth and my antenatal class didn't teach us about what to expect when things don't go to plan. I only knew about the happy path. I suddenly felt out of control, scared, anxious and upset that I didn't get to experience what a vaginal birth felt like. Although I was feeling so thankful that I wasn't going to be laid on the bed, screaming at the top of my voice, like the woman in the next room. However, knowing what I know now, after doing my hypnobirthing training, I know that birth doesn't have to be scary. It can and should be very calm, relaxed, comfortable and not take place laid down on a bed. I'm guessing that the lady in the next room had not done a hypnobirthing course either!
I wish I'd done a Hypnobirthing Course
Reflecting back on my first birth, I wish that I'd known about hypnobirthing. I wish that I'd done a private hypnobirthing course to prepare my partner and I for birth. A course that would discuss all types of births and what to do if the plan goes off course. A hypnobirthing course that was tailored just for us and teaching us skills to be able to advocate for ourselves, feel in control, confident and calm. Yes, I wouldn't have met other parents to be on the course and be able to share scary stories and feel under pressure for my baby to be born soon, so I could also join the new parent gang. However, is this really what I needed? Looking back, no absolutely not. There are other ways to meet new parents to be and what I really should have been doing, was preparing properly for birth, watching positive birth stories and letting my baby be born when they were ready. The chances are, that I might have still needed a c-section. My baby was still breach, but if I hadn't have had the stretch and sweep, I'd have been sent home that day and maybe my baby would have turned head down, in the final few days of my pregnancy....who knows. After all, a due date is very inaccurate and I was only 5 days over my EDD. If I had been properly informed and if my midwife had checked my baby's position more carefully at my last appointment, we might have been able to discover that Emily was breach. I could have had a scan and I could have researched my options around delivering a breach baby. This would have been a challenging conversation with the hospital, as not many midwives are trained in delivering breach babies. Alternatively I might have decided to look into options of being able to turn my baby myself. Certain positions can really help some babies to turn and spinning babies is a great website, with lots of information to read.
How Hypnobirthing Could Have Helped During Pregnancy
If I'd have done a hypnobirthing course during pregnancy and prepared properly for birth, I would have known what to expect and be able to advocate for myself. I'd have been more prepared to deal with the discovery of a breach baby, I'd have been able to block out any external sounds of other women giving birth, I'd have been able to make an informed decision, do self hypnosis on myself to feel calm and relaxed about the news that I was having to process and when going down to theatre and having the spinal block. I'd have known about useful techniques that my partner could have done with me, such as using power words to feel calm, gentle hand strokes etc. My partner would have felt involved and would have known how to support me. I could have listened to a hypnosis MP3 track, targeted at c-sections. Yes, hypnobirthing is for all births and there is a course that I offer, for a calm caesarean. I would of researched c-sections and known what to expect.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing and if I could go back 8 years and do a hypnobirthing course for the birth of my daughter, I would. With hypnobirthing, you learn so many wonderful skills and skills for life, to help you to have a calm, confident, empowering birth, that is free from fear. I am so glad that I am a Hypnobirthing Teacher, so that I can teach lots of expectant parents about all birth scenarios, how to have a positive birth experience by using hypnobirthing and help them to not fall into the naive pitfall that I fell into. My courses help parents to be aware of all of their choices, be able to make informed decisions if they need to and be able to advocate for themselves. My courses do not guarantee the perfect birth or mean that your birth will go to plan. However, what they will do is help to prepare you for every scenario and be able to make your own choices if you need to. This will then lead to a higher chance of having a positive birth experience, which you are in control of and feel calm and confident about.
If you would like to do a hypnobirthing course with me or hire me as your antenatal, birth or postnatal Doula, then please get in touch and start preparing for your amazing birth experience.
Julia xx