This might sound controversial, but in my opinion I would not recommend doing a group birth preparation class during pregnancy. This is obviously just my opinion and you should make your own decisions about what is right for you and what type of birth preparation course is right for you, but here are my thoughts.
Group Pregnancy Classes Might Cause Anxiety and Fear
Doing a group birth preparation class in pregnancy, purely to make friendships, can lead to you missing out on the chance of increasing your odds of having a positive birth experience. Birth preparation is so important and it can really make such a difference to your birth experience. If you're only doing it for the friendships and don't do the homework and your heart isn't really in it, then you are really missing a trick. Mum friends can be made later, when the timing is better.
Pregnancy friendship groups can cause anxiety. If you meet a group of other pregnant women during pregnancy, such as at an antenatal class, hypnobirthing course, pregnancy yoga class, pregnancy relaxation class etc, this can cause you to start worrying about your birth. This is for various reasons.
1. You all discuss your birth plan during pregnancy and this could start making you doubt your own birth plan decisions. “Maybe that homebirth isn't such a good idea after all”, you start to think. “Maybe I should have opted for that planned caesarean section too”, you wonder.
2. Once the first baby has been born within your pregnancy group, the group get to hear all about the birth. Usually in great detail too. Mum's love to share their birth stories, whether they've recently given birth or given birth 60 years ago. Those emotions and feelings stay with us forever. The first new Mum tells the group that it was horrendous and she's definitely not doing that again. The other group members are intrigued and they all ask questions. "The contractions were agony, the labour lasted for 2 days and everyone should get an epidural as soon as possible", she says. How does this make you feel now? You might only be days away from your labour and after hearing this negative birth story, you're not going to be feeling super excited for your labour starting now, are you? This can set you up badly for your birth and create fear, tension and pain. You might now be feeling terrified and thinking "oh I really hope I don't go through what so an so went through". Your pregnancy friend might mean well and be trying to give you advice, but it's not helpful and really not what you want to hear right now. Her birth is still raw and people love to tell a dramatic story. Her hormones are all over the place and she's still in the early days of newborn life. She might have exaggerated things or still feeling a bit fuzzy from any drugs that she used during her labour.
3. Once all members of the group have had their babies, you start comparing your baby to the other babies in your group. "So an so's baby couldn't breastfeed and she was told to go straight onto formula milk. I'm going to do the same, because I'm having the same issues".
The first 6 weeks are tricky and different for everyone. Seek advice from professionals if you have any worries or concerns. Don't let friends sway your mind. Particularly at this very vulnerable stage.
4. "The group are all doing baby classes together, once their baby's are 6 weeks old. I'm only 2 weeks into the postpartum period and I don't feel ready to get out and about yet. Clearly I'm doing it all wrong and should be ready for baby classes now too. Plus, I don't want to get FOMO and miss out, so I'll sign up too".
This only creates more anxiety for you and puts you under more unnecessary pressure. You've just had a baby, you've got enough to deal with without any extra stresses. All births are different and everyone heals at different rates. Just because one new Mum is out and about 2 weeks post birth, doesn't mean everyone should be or are able to be. This is your journey, so don't compare. There are so many different factors to consider when looking at other people's postpartum journeys. Do they have lots of support at home? Are they breastfeeding? Do they have other children? Did they have a textbook birth? Do they have any medical conditions?
Labour, birth and postpartum should be your own story, your own experience, experienced the way that you feel is right for you. Don't be swayed by other people or let other people create a negative mindset for you. This will only create fear and negative outcomes. Remember that this is your journey!
What Would I Suggest During Pregnancy and Postpartum?
My advice would be to do a group pregnancy class only because you want to learn from the class, not to just make friends. To learn some pregnancy yoga moves, to learn about labour and birth, how to create a positive mindset, to understand how to feel calm during pregnancy and birth.
Stay in your own lane and don't listen to other peoples birth plans or negative birth stories. Get support from professionals, such as antenatal instructors, Hypnobirthing teachers, Doulas, Midwives, Yoga teachers or Doctors. They can offer you advice/support/sign post you to reliable information.
Once you are around 6 weeks postpartum, consider signing up to some baby classes, postnatal exercise classes or baby and toddler groups. There will be loads of new Mum's there that you can meet. It will take you at least 6 weeks for your body to start to heal after birth and for some people it could take a bit longer. By about 6 weeks, you will hopefully be feeling much more confident with your baby, understanding them better, got your head around feeding them and starting to adjust to life as a new parent. Don't worry if you're not though. Everyone is on their own journey and it can take longer for some people. Go at your own pace. It's not a race.
There are some amazing postnatal and baby groups around in your area. From baby yoga, to Mummy fitness classes, postnatal yoga, baby sensory, stay and play and even baby massage. There are classes to suite everyone and if you are in the West Yorkshire area, I am happy to recommend some fabulous baby classes and playgroups in the local area for you. Just get in touch with me for my recommendations.
By the time you are 6 weeks postpartum, you will feeling in a much better position to be making friends and meeting new Mum's. You are all in the same boat and riding those baby waves together. That village of support can become your saving grace, especially at 3am when you're all up together doing the night feeds. You'll probably compare birth stories and that's fine. Now that your baby is here it's not going to cause you any anxiety and hopefully you will have an amazing, positive birth story that you can share with your new Mum friends. Telling them how incredible birth can be and that not all births are negative. Hopefully they all had amazing experiences too.
In my opinion, just waiting those first 6 weeks post birth and after pregnancy, before making new Mum friends, can make such a difference. Mum friends are essential and keep you going on the tough days, but in those early postnatal days and last few weeks of pregnancy, you need to be focusing on you and your family, doing what is right for you and your baby and not letting anyone possibly sway you off course.
If you'd like any support during pregnancy, labour, birth or postpartum, then get in touch. Having 1-1 continuity of care during pregnancy, birth and postpartum, can really help to make you feel much more confident, calmer, in control and increase your chances of having a positive birth and parenting experience.
Visit my website and find out how I can support you.
Julia x